Saturday, June 2, 2012

Are you a scary mommy?

I just finished reading Confessions of a Scary Mommy by Jill Smokler. The book was hysterical. Inappropriate and raunchy at times. Downright cringe-worthy at others. But overall, just an honest and funny look at motherhood. Each chapter begins with real mom confessions and that was perhaps my favorite part of the whole book. I am going to share a few snippets below that I found exceptionally funny. Be warned, as I said before, raunchy and inappropriate.... 

"Once a woman asked me whether I planned to breast-feed my baby, so I asked her whether she shaved her vagina. Oh, I'm sorry, you don't like personal, none-of-your-business questions?"

"And then there was my husband. My sweet, wonderful, and loving soul mate of a man, who, I successfully convinced myself, might actually be able to give me the only child on earth I'd ever be able to tolerate. Our very best qualities would merge and result in a baby who would change my view on all young people across the land. there must have been something primal about my attraction to him. It was all meant to be, I thought. But, suddenly, this man I'd picked transformed into the most irritating creature I'd ever laid eyes on."

"My husband manages to 'sleep through' our hungry infant every night. Last night I pulled all the covers off of him, threw them on the floor, and slammed the door on my way out. He didn't sleep through that."

"There is no favoritism in this family.... Today I can't stand all of my kids equally."

"No matter how old you are, no matter how badass you think you are, if a toddler hands you his ringing toy phone, you f***ing answer it"

"You know it's bad when the baby tries to nurse a fat roll instead of a boob."

"My son has a poopy diaper. I just sent him upstairs and told him to sit on DH's face. Serves my husband right for sleeping so late."

"I put twenty boxes of condoms on my baby registry. No one found it as funny as I did."

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