Today is my last day of my maternity leave. I guess what I'm thankful for this week is that I was able to take the full maternity leave this time. Even though its been a struggle (ran out of PAID time off) we've been able to make it work. With Jacob I didn't have that option -- I HAD to return to work after 9 weeks and I was in no way ready. I'm thankful for my supportive husband who encouraged me to remain home with the boys even when things got tough and for our amazing families for their help and support during this time. I am actually emotionally ready to leave the boys this time and I think that will make a world of difference.
These are the moments that I am going to miss, though. Today I was overcome with joy as I stood in the kitchen chopping up vegetables for stew tonight. Jordan was asleep on my chest in his Moby wrap, close enough to me that I could sneak down and breathe in the scent of his sweet head or rest my cheek on his head for a quick soft snuggle. Jacob was in the living room happily talking to himself and playing independently. Close enough for me to see but yet far enough away to be enjoying himself. And in that moment, despite everything else, I was happy.
I keep reminding myself that this is not goodbye. That I am blessed enough to work only part time and that I am not going to a 9-5 job 5 days a week. I still get to be home with the boys for 4 whole days every week. I still get to come home early enough on the days that I do work to see them and spend time with them before the dinner and bedtime routine. There will still be snuggles and days spent with nothing to do but play. Of course I will miss them but it will be good for all of us to have some separation. It will be good for me to get out of the house and use my brain again. (Although, I seriously feel like I don't know what I am doing!! Ahh!) And I only have to get through one day. Just one day.
It's been an amazing twelve weeks as a stay at home mom. Part of me thinks I could do this forever (I really could) but I am also thankful to have a job and friends there to return to.
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